Mrs. Lirriper's Lodgings Page 8

to observe that when he came flying into the housewith two splendid prizes (Arithmetic, and Exemplary Conduct), Mrs.Lirriper and myself embraced with emotion, and instantly took him to thePlay, where we were all three admirably entertained.

  Nor is it to render homage to the virtues of the best of her good andhonoured sex--whom, in deference to her unassuming worth, I will onlyhere designate by the initials E. L.--that I add this record to thebundle of papers with which our, in a most distinguished degree,remarkable boy has expressed himself delighted, before re-consigning thesame to the left-hand glass closet of Mrs. Lirriper's little bookcase.

  Neither is it to obtrude the name of the old original superannuatedobscure Jemmy Jackman, once (to his degradation) of Wozenham's, long (tohis elevation) of Lirriper's. If I could be consciously guilty of thatpiece of bad taste, it would indeed be a work of supererogation, now thatthe name is borne by JEMMY JACKMAN LIRRIPER.

  No, I take up my humble pen to register a little record of our strikinglyremarkable boy, which my poor capacity regards as presenting a pleasantlittle picture of the dear boy's mind. The picture may be interesting tohimself when he is a man.

  Our first reunited Christmas-day was the most delightful one we have everpassed together. Jemmy was never silent for five minutes, except inchurch-time. He talked as we sat by the fire, he talked when we were outwalking, he talked as we sat by the fire again, he talked incessantly atdinner, though he made a dinner almost as remarkable as himself. It wasthe spring of happiness in his fresh young heart flowing and flowing, andit fertilised (if I may be allowed so bold a figure) my much-esteemedfriend, and J. J. the present writer.

  There were only we three. We dined in my esteemed friend's little room,and our entertainment was perfect. But everything in the establishmentis, in neatness, order, and comfort, always perfect. After dinner ourboy slipped away to his old stool at my esteemed friend's knee, andthere, with his hot chestnuts and his glass of brown sherry (really, amost excellent wine!) on a chair for a table, his face outshone theapples in the dish.

  We talked of these jottings of mine, which Jemmy had read through andthrough by that time; and so it came about that my esteemed friendremarked, as she sat smoothing Jemmy's curls:

  "And as you belong to the house too, Jemmy,--and so much more than theLodgers, having been born in it,--why, your story ought to be added tothe rest, I think, one of these days."

  Jemmy's eyes sparkled at this, and he said, "So _I_ think, Gran."

  Then he sat looking at the fire, and then he began to laugh in a sort ofconfidence with the fire, and then he said, folding his arms across myesteemed friend's lap, and raising his bright face to hers. "Would youlike to hear a boy's story, Gran?"

  "Of all things," replied my esteemed friend.

  "Would you, godfather?"

  "Of all things," I too replied.

  "Well, then," said Jemmy, "I'll tell you one."

  Here our indisputably remarkable boy gave himself a hug, and laughedagain, musically, at the idea of his coming out in that new line. Thenhe once more took the fire into the same sort of confidence as before,and began:

  "Once upon a time, When pigs drank wine, And monkeys chewed tobaccer,'Twas neither in your time nor mine, But that's no macker--"

  "Bless the child!" cried my esteemed friend, "what's amiss with hisbrain?"

  "It's poetry, Gran," returned Jemmy, shouting with laughter. "We alwaysbegin stories that way at school."

  "Gave me quite a turn, Major," said my esteemed friend, fanning herselfwith a plate. "Thought he was light-headed!"

  "In those remarkable times, Gran and godfather, there was once a boy,--notme, you know."

  "No, no," says my respected friend, "not you. Not him, Major, youunderstand?"

  "No, no," says I.

  "And he went to school in Rutlandshire--"

  "Why not Lincolnshire?" says my respected friend.

  "Why not, you dear old Gran? Because _I_ go to school in Lincolnshire,don't I?"

  "Ah, to be sure!" says my respected friend. "And it's not Jemmy, youunderstand, Major?"

  "No, no," says I.

  "Well!" our boy proceeded, hugging himself comfortably, and laughingmerrily (again in confidence with the fire), before he again looked up inMrs. Lirriper's face, "and so he was tremendously in love with hisschoolmaster's daughter, and she was the most beautiful creature thatever was seen, and she had brown eyes, and she had brown hair all curlingbeautifully, and she had a delicious voice, and she was deliciousaltogether, and her name was Seraphina."

  "What's the name of _your_ schoolmaster's daughter, Jemmy?" asks myrespected friend.

  "Polly!" replied Jemmy, pointing his forefinger at her. "There now!Caught you! Ha, ha, ha!"

  When he and my respected friend had had a laugh and a hug together, ouradmittedly remarkable boy resumed with a great relish:

  "Well! And so he loved her. And so he thought about her, and dreamedabout her, and made her presents of oranges and nuts, and would have madeher presents of pearls and diamonds if he could have afforded it out ofhis pocket-money, but he couldn't. And so her father--O, he WAS aTartar! Keeping the boys up to the mark, holding examinations once amonth, lecturing upon all sorts of subjects at all sorts of times, andknowing everything in the world out of book. And so this boy--"

  "Had he any name?" asks my respected friend.

  "No, he hadn't, Gran. Ha, ha! There now! Caught you again!"

  After this, they had another laugh and another hug, and then our boy wenton.

  "Well! And so this boy, he had a friend about as old as himself at thesame school, and his name (for He _had_ a name, as it happened) was--letme remember--was Bobbo."

  "Not Bob," says my respected friend.

  "Of course not," says Jemmy. "What made you think it was, Gran? Well!And so this friend was the cleverest and bravest and best-looking andmost generous of all the friends that ever were, and so he was in lovewith Seraphina's sister, and so Seraphina's sister was in love with him,and so they all grew up."

  "Bless us!" says my respected friend. "They were very sudden about it."

  "So they all grew up," our boy repeated, laughing heartily, "and Bobboand this boy went away together on horseback to seek their fortunes, andthey partly got their horses by favour, and partly in a bargain; that isto say, they had saved up between them seven and fourpence, and the twohorses, being Arabs, were worth more, only the man said he would takethat, to favour them. Well! And so they made their fortunes and cameprancing back to the school, with their pockets full of gold, enough tolast for ever. And so they rang at the parents' and visitors' bell (notthe back gate), and when the bell was answered they proclaimed 'The sameas if it was scarlet fever! Every boy goes home for an indefiniteperiod!' And then there was great hurrahing, and then they kissedSeraphina and her sister,--each his own love, and not the other's on anyaccount,--and then they ordered the Tartar into instant confinement."

  "Poor man!" said my respected friend.

  "Into instant confinement, Gran," repeated Jemmy, trying to look severeand roaring with laughter; "and he was to have nothing to eat but theboys' dinners, and was to drink half a cask of their beer every day. Andso then the preparations were made for the two weddings, and there werehampers, and potted things, and sweet things, and nuts, andpostage-stamps, and all manner of things. And so they were so jolly,that they let the Tartar out, and he was jolly too."

  "I am glad they let him out," says my respected friend, "because he hadonly done his duty."

  "O, but hadn't he overdone it, though!" cried Jemmy. "Well! And so thenthis boy mounted his horse, with his bride in his arms, and canteredaway, and cantered on and on till he came to a certain place where he hada certain Gran and a certain godfather,--not you two, you know."

  "No, no," we both said.

  "And there he was received with great rejoicings, and he filled thecupboard and the bookcase with gold, and he showered it out on his Granand his godfather because they were the two k
indest and dearest peoplethat ever lived in this world. And so while they were sitting up totheir knees in gold, a knocking was heard at the street door, and whoshould it be but Bobbo, also on horseback with his bride in his arms, andwhat had he come to say but that he would take (at double rent) all theLodgings for ever, that were not wanted by this a boy and this Gran andthis godfather, and that they would all live together, and all be happy!And so they were, and so it never ended!"

  "And was there no quarrelling?" asked my respected friend, as Jemmy satupon her lap and hugged