Scrooge #worstgiftever Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2016 by Penguin Random House LLC

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Wright, Brett, author. | Dickens, Charles, 1812–1870. Christmas carol.

  Title: Scrooge #worstgiftever / Charles Dickens and Brett Wright.

  Description: First edition. | New York : Random House, [2016] | Summary: A miser learns the true meaning of Christmas when three ghostly visitors review his past and foretell his future. Text accompanied by emojis.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2015030065 | ISBN 978-0-399-55064-5 (hardcover) | ISBN 978-0-399-55065-2 (ebook)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Christmas—Fiction. | Ghosts—Fiction. | Great Britain—History—19th century—Fiction. | Social media—Fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.W75 Sc 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at http://​lccn.​loc.​gov/​20150300

  Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.

  v4.1

  a

  To my family ,

  who made every holiday season a

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Who’s Who

  Chapter 1 - Christmas Eve

  Chapter 2 - Ghost of Christmas Past

  Chapter 3 - Ghost of Christmas Present

  Chapter 4 - Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

  Chapter 5 - Christmas Day

  Chapter 6 - The Day After Christmas

  The 411 for Those Not in the Know

  Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

  About the Authors

  FOMO? Read on for a peek at Darcy Swipes Left

  - Volume 1 -

  Who’s Who

  Scrooge

  Marley

  Fred, Scrooge’s nephew

  Fred’s Wife

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Ghost of Christmas Present

  Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

  Bob Cratchit

  Mrs. Cratchit

  Martha Cratchit

  Belinda Cratchit

  Peter Cratchit

  Tiny Tim Cratchit

  Unknown Number #1, 555-6650

  Unknown Number #2, 555-5586

  Unknown Number #3, 555-1422

  Mrs. Dilber, Scrooge’s housekeeper

  Old Joe, buys Scrooge’s old possessions

  Laundress, former employee of Scrooge

  Undertaker

  Husband and Wife

  Grocer

  — REST IN PEACE —

  Jacob Marley is dead. Dead as a doornail. As stated in Mr. Marley’s will , he leaves his estate to Ebenezer Scrooge .

  Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. Marley’s business partner, Mr. Scrooge—whose is as cold as —has signed the papers declaring Mr. Marley’s death.

  Mr. Scrooge will continue to operate their business under both names and shows no signs of slowing down.

  Not even for Christmas tomorrow.

  Fred and Scrooge have checked into Scrooge’s office on Christmas Eve, seven years later.

  Fred

  Scrooge

  Fred

  Scrooge

  Fred

  Scrooge

  Fred

  MERRY CHRISTMAS, UNCLE SCROOGE!

  Scrooge

  I knew that’s where this was going. BAH!

  Fred

  Aw, lighten up! It’s CHRISTMAS EVE. The best time of the year!

  Scrooge

  HAMBURGER.

  Hmph! HAM BUG.

  #autocorrectfail

  HUMBUG.

  I haaate Christmas.

  Fred

  You don’t mean that.

  Scrooge

  You bet your sweet , I do. What’s there to like about this holiday?

  Scrooge

  First of all, it leaves you broke.

  Second, it means you’re a year older.

  And third, WHO CARES? I wouldn’t mind at all if there was never another stupid Christmas again.

  Fred

  That is , and you know it! It’s a wonderful time. Maybe the only time of year when people are actually nice and full of love for others.

  Scrooge

  Fred

  You’re impossible.

  The whole reason I reached out to you is to invite you to dinner tomorrow.

  Scrooge

  No ty. I would rather dine with the devil than visit your .

  Fred

  Ooooookay. Little harsh. Why?

  Scrooge

  Why did you get married?

  Fred

  Because I fell in love.

  Scrooge

  HA! Love! That’s the only thing in this more ridiculous than Christmas.

  Fred

  That’s why you’re not coming?

  Scrooge

  Hmph.

  Fred

  Whatever, Uncle Scrooge. Invitation still stands if you change your mind.

  Scrooge

  I. Won’t.

  Fred

  Merry Christmas!

  Scrooge

  Fred

  And a HAPPY NEW YEAR too, ya old grouch!

  Group text: 555-6650, Scrooge, 555-5586

  555-6650

  hi!! is this scrooge and marley’s??

  Scrooge

  WTF. Who’s this?

  How’d you get my number?

  555-5586

  r we speaking 2 scrooge or marley??

  Scrooge

  Marley’s been dead for seven years exactly tonight, so I’ll give you two guesses and the first one doesn’t count.

  555-6650

  oh, great!! we’re from a charity that mr. marley used to donate to ALL the time. knowing that it’s the anniversary of his untimely death , we’re sure that you’ll want to donate as generously as he did, mr. scrooge! perhaps in his name??

  555-5586

  & now is the perfect time of yr 2 donate. so many ppl can barely get by as it is & that can b esp hard @ xmas.

  Scrooge

  BAH! There are PLENTY of places for those people to go.

  I am NOT one of them!

  Ever heard of prisons? Workhouses?

  555-6650

  but, sir!! we just want to bring some warmth and good cheer to those who need them. now, how much can i put you down for?

  Scrooge

  NADA.

  555-5586

  u want 2 b anon? that’s cool!

  Scrooge

  No! I want 2 b left alone.

  Adding you both to the Do Not Call list. TTYN.

  Bob Cratchit

  Um. Mr. Scrooge?

  Scrooge

  OH, WHAT NOW??

  Bob Cratchit

  Um, um, um. I was just wondering if it would be OK to take t
omorrow off? So I can spend Christmas with my family?

  Scrooge

  Lemme guess. You expect me to give you a paid holiday too?

  Bob Cratchit

  It’s only one day of the year….

  Scrooge

  Don’t remind me. Every December 25.

  Fine. But you better be here EXTRA early the next day to make up for it.

  Bob Cratchit

  Yes, sir, I promise! Thank you! Merry Christmas!

  Scrooge

  Bah HUMMINGBIRD.

  OMG. Adding a shortcut to my keyboard.

  Bah humbug!

  Scrooge

  I. HATE. CHRISTMAS! I that someday we live in a where we don’t celebrate such a lousy holiday. #BahHumbug

  Be the first to like this.

  REPLY

  Scrooge: I’m going to bed, and I hope I through this entire week!

  Marley

  boo

  Scrooge

  Who is this? Do you have any idea what time it is?

  Marley

  bOOooOOooOOoo

  Scrooge

  Stop messing with me!

  Marley

  i think u mean, who WAS this?

  Scrooge

  Fine. Who WAS this?

  And how did YOU get my number? I swear I’m unlisted!

  Marley

  it’s me, ebz! jake! jacob marley.

  Scrooge

  I don’t believe you.

  Marley

  i’ll send a selfie.

  #nofilter

  Scrooge

  What? This is ridiculous. I’ve gone mad.

  Buzz off.

  Marley

  i’ll prove it.

  ur wearing a robe 4 bed rn.

  Scrooge

  How do you know that?

  Marley

  weeelll, i’m kind of a so i can still u.

  i’ve been watchin u 4 a while now.

  Scrooge

  Really? Um. What’s it like to be…dead?

  Marley

  not so gr8 tbh w/u.

  i’ve got all these covering me. #OOTD #NAGL

  Scrooge

  Why?

  Marley

  it’s my own fault.

  i’m locked up bc of how i acted when i was alive.

  Scrooge

  That’s outrageous! Because you were a successful businessman?

  Marley

  that’s just it—i worked 2 much, ebz.

  i never left our office 2 rly LIVE & b w/ppl i cared abt.

  Scrooge

  I can’t believe you’re being punished for all the good you did….

  Marley

  i didn’t do as much good 4 others as i did 4 myself. i shouldabin leaving the office on time , volunteering & rly helping ppl.

  not just taking shortcuts by donating dough & believing that was enuf 2 make up 4 my selfishness.

  now i’m basically screwed. forced 2 roam w/out peace n quiet.

  Scrooge

  Marley

  ya, total bummer…

  buuut…

  here’s…

  the…

  thing…

  hello?!

  Scrooge

  What? I’m listening.

  Marley

  oh, that was supposed 2 b suspenseful but whatevz.

  there’s still hope 4 u, ebz, so u don’t end up like me.

  Scrooge

  Whaddya mean?

  Marley

  yer gonna b visited by 3 spirits …

  Scrooge

  PASS. I choose to end up like you. NBD.

  Marley

  …4 the next 3 nights.

  Scrooge

  Aw, C’MON! Can’t they visit me all at once and get it over with?

  Marley

  the 1st spirit will show up @ 1 tomorrow.

  2 days l8r, the 2nd will come at the same time.

  & on the 3rd nite, the last spirit will visit you at midnight.

  Scrooge

  Should I be writing this down?

  Marley

  u won’t hear from me again after 2nite, ebz.

  so remember what i said.

  gl2u!!

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  W

  Ak

  E

  WaK

  GAH.

  Scrooge

  Um, hi?

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Wakey, wakey!

  Sry about that. I’m still getting used 2 this thing.

  Plus, my fingers are way 2 big for this.

  N-e-way. Wakey, wakey, Scrooge!

  Scrooge

  Who is this?

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Ghost of Christmas Past, at ur service.

  The ultimate #tbt and #fbf.

  Scrooge

  That’s impossible. I literally just fell asleep!

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Did u LITERALLY just fall asleep? Like LITERALLY?

  Scrooge

  YES!

  And Jacob said you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow. I couldn’t have slept through an entire day.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  IDK what to tell u. It’s on the dot. And we don’t have a lot of time, so let’s get to saving u!

  Scrooge

  You can save me by letting me sleep more.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  UP!

  I’m ur past, Scroogey. And I got some to show u that ur probs not gonna like.

  Scrooge

  Maybe I’ll take a rain check.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Nice try. Follow me!

  Scrooge

  But I’m not a . I can’t just reappear somewhere else like you can.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Did u tap it?

  Scrooge

  What? Of course!

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Try again. Don’t think it worked.

  Scrooge

  Fine! There.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Nope. Didn’t work. Sorry, it’s this app. Pictures disappear after 10 seconds.

  Here u go.

  Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge have checked into the countryside.

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Recognize this ?

  Scrooge

  I grew up here. This is my childhood home.