Bardell v. Pickwick Read online

  THE OPENING SPEECH.

  Buzfuz's great speech is one of the happiest parodies in the language.Never was the forensic jargon and treatment so humorously set forth--andthis because of the perfect _sincerity_ and earnestness with which it wasdone. There is none of the far-fetched, impossible exaggeration--theform of burlesque which Theodore Hook or Albert Smith might haveattempted. It is, in fact, a real speech, which might have beendelivered to a dull-headed audience without much impairing credibility.Apart from this it is a most effective harangue and most plausiblestatement of the Plaintiff's case.

  A little professional touch, which is highly significant as part of thepantomine, and which Boz made very effective at the reading, was theSerjeant's dramatic preparation for his speech. "Having whispered toDodson and conferred briefly with Fogg, _he pulled his gown over hisshoulders_, _settled his wig_, and addressed the Jury." Who has not seenthis bit of business?

  Again, Juries may have noted that the Junior as he rises to speak,mumbles something that is quite inaudible, and which nobody attends to.This is known as "opening the pleadings."

  The ushers again called silence, and Mr. Skimpin proceeded to 'open the case;' and the case appeared to have very little inside it when he had opened it, for he kept such particulars as he knew, completely to himself, and sat down, after a lapse of three minutes, leaving the jury in precisely the same advanced stage of wisdom as they were in before.

  Serjeant Buzfuz then rose with all the majesty and dignity which the grave nature of the proceedings demanded, and having whispered to Dodson, and conferred briefly with Fogg, pulled his gown over his shoulders, settled his wig, and addressed the jury.

  A most delightful legal platitude, as one might call it, is to be foundin the opening of the learned Sergeant's speech. It is a familiar,transparent thing, often used to impose on the Jury. As Boz says ofanother topic, "Counsel often begins in this way because it makes thejury think what sharp fellows they must be." "You have heard from mylearned friend, gentlemen," continued the Serjeant, well knowing thatfrom the learned friend alluded to they had heard just nothing at all,"you have heard from my learned friend, that this is an action for Breachof Promise of Marriage, in which the damages are laid at 1,500 pounds.But you have _not heard from my learned friend_, _inasmuch as it did notlie within my learned friend's province to tell you_, what are the factsand circumstances of the case." This rich bit of circumlocution issimple nonsense, in rotund phrase, and meant to suggest the imposingmajesty of legal process. The Jury knew perfectly beforehand what theywere going to try: but were to be impressed by the magnifying agency oflegal processes, and would be awe stricken accordingly. The passage,"inasmuch as it did not lie within my learned friend's province to tellyou," is a delightful bit of cant. In short, the Jury was thus admittedto the secret legal arena, and into community with the learned friendsthemselves, and were persuaded that they were very sharp fellows indeed.What pleasant satire is here, on the mellifluous "openings" of Counsel,the putting a romantic gloss on the most prosaic incidents.

  A sucking Barrister might well study this speech of Buzfuz as a guide tothe conducting of a case, and above all of rather a "shaky" one. Notless excellent is his smooth and plausible account of Mrs. Bardell'ssetting up in lodging letting. He really makes it "interesting." Onethinks of some fluttering, helpless young widow, setting out in thebattle of life.

  He describes the poor innocent lady putting a bill in her window, "andlet me entreat the attention of the Jury to the wording of thisdocument--'Apartments furnished for a single gentleman!' Mrs. Bardell'sopinions of the opposite sex, gentlemen, were derived from a longcontemplation of the inestimable qualities of her lost husband. She hadno fear--she had no distrust--she had no suspicion--all was confidenceand reliance. 'Mr. Bardell,' said the widow: 'Mr. Bardell was a man ofhonour--Mr. Bardell was a man of his word--Mr. Bardell was nodeceiver--Mr. Bardell was once a single gentleman himself; to singlegentlemen I look for protection, for assistance, for comfort, and forconsolation--in single gentlemen I shall perpetually see something toremind me of what Mr. Bardell was, when he first won my young and untriedaffections; to a single gentleman, then, shall my lodgings be let.'Actuated by this beautiful and touching impulse (among the best impulsesof our imperfect nature, gentlemen), the lonely and desolate widow driedher tears, furnished her first floor, caught her innocent boy to hermaternal bosom, and put the bill up in her parlour window. Did it remainthere long? No. The serpent was on the watch, the train was laid, themine was preparing, the sapper and miner was at work. Before the billhad been in the parlour window three days--three days, gentlemen--abeing, erect upon two legs, and bearing all the outward semblance of aman, and not of a monster, knocked at the door of Mrs. Bardell's house.He enquired within."

  Those who attended the Reading will recall the admirable briskness, andmore admirable spirit with which Boz delivered the passage "by theevidence of the unimpeachable female whom I shall place in that"--here hebrought down his palm with a mighty slap on the desk, and added, after amoment's pause, "_Box_ before you." It was that _preceding_ of thestroke that told. So real was it, one fancied oneself listening to someobstreperous counsel. In all true acting--notably on the Frenchboards--the gesture should a little precede the utterance. So theserjeant knew something of art.

  When Mr. Pickwick gave an indignant start on hearing himself described asa heartless villain how cleverly does the capable Buzfuz turn theincident to profit.

  [Picture: Mr. Pickwick as a Monster]

  'I say systematic villany, gentlemen,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, looking through Mr. Pickwick, and talking _at_ him; 'and when I say systematic villiany, let me tell the defendant, Pickwick, if he be in court, as I am informed he is, that it would have been more decent in him, more becoming, in better judgment and in better taste, if he had stopped away. Let me tell him, gentlemen, that any gestures of dissent or disapprobation in which he may indulge in this court will not go down with you; that you will know how to value, and to appreciate them; and let me tell him further, as my lord will tell you, gentlemen, that a counsel, in the discharge of his duty to his client, is neither to be intimidated nor bullied, nor put down; and that any attempt to do either the one or the other, or the first or the last, will recoil on the head of the attempter, be he plaintiff or be he defendant, be his name Pickwick, or Noakes, or Stoakes, or Stiles, or Brown, or Thompson.'

  This little divergence from the subject in hand, had of course the intended effect of turning all eyes to Mr. Pickwick.

  We relish, too, another "common form." When the Serjeant found that hisjest as to "greasing the wheels of Mr. Pickwick's slow-coach" hadsomewhat missed fire--a thing that often unaccountably happens, in thecase of the "twelve intelligent men," the Serjeant knew how to adroitlyrecover himself.

  He paused in this place to see whether the jury smiled at his joke; but as nobody took it but the greengrocer, whose sensitiveness on the subject was very probably occasioned by his having subjected a chaise-cart to the process in question on that identical morning, the learned Serjeant considered it advisable to undergo a slight relapse into the dismals before he concluded.

  'But enough of this, gentlemen,' said Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz, 'it is difficult to smile with an aching heart; it is ill jesting when our deepest sympathies are awakened. My client's hopes and prospects are ruined, and it is no figure of speech to say that her occupation is gone indeed. The bill is down--but there is no tenant. Eligible single gentlemen pass and repass--but there is no invitation for them to enquire within or without. All is gloom and silence in the house; even the voice of the child is hushed; his infant sports are disregarded when his mother weeps; his "alley tors" and his "commoneys" are alike neglected; he forgets the long familiar cry of "knuckle down," and at tip-cheese, or odd and even, his hand is out. But Pickwick, gentlemen, Pickwick, th
e ruthless destroyer of this domestic oasis in the desert of Goswell Street--Pickwick, who has choked up the well, and thrown ashes on the sward--Pickwick, who comes before you to-day with his heartless tomato sauce and warming-pans--Pickwick still rears his head with unblushing effrontery, and gazes without a sigh on the ruin he has made. Damages, gentlemen--heavy damages is the only punishment with which you can visit him.'